Monday, August 8, 2011

In the Spirit of National Day (Part IV)

It's National Day tomorrow and I've come up with a list of 15 things you should know about Singapore.

15 things you should know about Singapore

1) It's based on a system of meritocracy. No matter how much you would like to speculate on possible nepotism or connections, it's still largely a system of meritocracy. You work hard, you do well, you get what you deserve.

2) There are no natural disasters. (Such that when there is a flash flood somewhere, it becomes national news and politicians are held responsible for it. Mantra here: It's not nature, it's the government.)

3) There is air-con everywhere. Mr LKY had the great foresight to see that we will all cease to function and collapse like little ants the moment air-cons stop operating.

4) Despite the number of people in Singapore being equivalent to the number of people in cities like New York or Boston, the small country has gone on to achieve big things.

5) There are trees everywhere. (I would melt like the $1 ice cream at orchard road if there were no trees.)

6) It's a food paradise. (It's a 24/7 food nation. You just don't stop eating.)

7) The brand of English here has been mutated to another form- Singlish. (You really can understand lah hor?)

8) National past time is queuing- for food, for 4D/toto, most importantly, for hello kitties.

9) Land pops up all the time in Singapore despite being extremely land scarce.

10) Our national language is Malay.

11) If you are not kiasu or kiasi, you are unlikely to be Singaporean.

12) You do not get caned or hanged that often really. (The first thing friends from overseas ask is, I heard you all like to give the capital punishment? The next sentence that invariably follows is, "you all can't eat chewing gum right?)

13) Let me clarify it once and for all, you CAN chew gum in Singapore, just that you CAN'T bring it in if it's not of therapeutic value.

Anyway, according to the wise words of Mr LKY, "If you can't think because you can't chew, try a banana." I concur.

Oh and by the way, be prepared for some punishment if you go around sticking chewing gum under chairs or throwing it on floors. Don't say you haven't been warned!

14) If we are done with 8), our next national past time is complaining- about the government, the weather, rising prices, bad service, just about anything under the sun.

15) Call every person you see (who looks above 30) aunty or uncle. You won't go wrong.


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